Just... got to let it a out...

I'm writing in ather language today, first, because of the practice, second, because I don´t want everyone to know that I'm going through a really bad time lately, but I mean bad speaking only about love relationships.

Is not news that I've been kind of obssesed with a girl, most of the readers of this space know who I'm talking about, and those who don't, well, it really won't matter wheter I say the name or not, what really matters is that I'm getting really tired of this game I've been playing for nearly 4 years. Yes, I know I'm a fool to take so long in a game like that, either for never doing anything else, or quiting now that I've been so far, but the thrut is I just can't stand it any more.

I've been trying to call her several times, but I can't. When I have the phone in front ready to mark the number, I just can't. I¡ve benn thinking about it, about the reason I can't call her every time I try, and I always get to see that I'm upset with her, upset because how she has dumped me at the last minute every time I try to date her, upset because she says she will call an doesn't, upset with myself becuase despite everything she has done to me, I can't hate her, and I have a feeling that if I call her and she turns me down like she has this last times, I will get really mad at her, I wil hate her for that. But then, I really wish to talk to her, see her again, to hear her voice, I try to make myself to the idea of calling to say hi, but I know I will end up asking her to go aout with me, and I know she wont give me a straight answer, she'll just say se will check schedule an talk to me later, and then, that call will never get, as has now.

I rather her telling me she doesn't want to see me, or something like that, at least that way I wouldn't be troubled for trying to call her, but she won't...

I don't know what to do, yet I have decided to get this to an ending, one way or another, I will call her, one last time, I'll ask her out, one last time, and after that, it will happen what has to happen, then I will call her no more, see her or not, it might hurt more than I expect, but I think I prefer suffer a lot for a little time, that live unhappy my entire life.

I only wish for her to be happy..